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How to take care of yourself when you’re the caregiver |
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“I don’t understand what’s he’s going through,” says Paula, whose husband Jim is struggling with depression. “I’m frustrated and confused, sometimes I feel angry and then guilty. Sometimes I’m just exhausted from it all.” If your loved one is living with depression or bipolar disorder, you may try so hard to take care of them that you stop taking care of yourself. It happens to the most caring of caretakers. Jim’s depression has impacted his relationship with his wife, his finances, his parenting. He’s lost his job and finances are a problem. Paula has stepped up to try to fulfill his role, but she’s feeling burdened and burned out. “We have expectations of our loved one and when they’re not able to do their part, it takes a toll on the relationship or the whole family,” says Dr. Richard Shaw, Chair, Graduate Department of Counseling, George Fox University. “The caretaker may overcompensate and find themself trying to fix everything.” Mike’s wife Jan is living with bipolar disorder and her behavior has eroded his trust. He wonders, “How can I get some control? When will it end?” He feels drained and anxious. On a scale of one to 10, when he sees Jan at a 5 or 6, it’s hard for him to celebrate that because he’s afraid she’s headed toward a manic 9 or 10. On the other hand, it’s important to recognize that sometimes your loved one’s bad day is just like anyone’s bad day and their moods are not symptoms of depression or mania. You can check it out with your loved one by asking, “Here’s what I’m seeing. How are you feeling?” Your partner will feel that you’re on their side. Paula and Mike need to accept that there will be ups and downs, times when they may need to put things on hold. The person who’s caring for someone who is ill must set healthy boundaries with that person. It’s ok to tell them that they must do their part by taking their medications, seeing their doctor, showing up for family events and being appropriate with you and others. |
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If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll have
Related articles Source Page updated July 1, 2009 |
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You must take care to safeguard your own mental health for your sake and your loved one’s. “I believe health rubs off,” says Dr. Shaw. “If you’re holding onto health, it will have an impact on the other person."